MAN UP OR YOU LOSE HER

Finally, finally he confessed his love to me, I can’t believe this. Really is he not a coward? Why did he wait so long before telling me how much I meant to him? Why was he so scared? Why could he not walk up to me as early as he could? Am I a monster? OMG he felt he was too razz for me, and he felt my friends would not accept him. What the hell was he thinking? Is he in love with me or my friends? I felt like slapping him so badly that night as he kept on pouring out the irritating words from his mouth. He has a girlfriend already, he loves me more than her and he could not man up to tell me whatever he had to. He had a million and one avenue to tell me how much he loves me. We had gone out different times and we had spent time together yet he would not say anything to me. I waited patiently for him to ask the question while I jump at it, I was not interested in even saying I will think about it, I was going to give him an answer that moment and it would have been a yes.

Am sure you are wondering how it all started. It started when I was in 300 Level, we have always been close but when we went on break the intimacy and the bond was beyond explanation. We spoke every minute of the day, in 24 hours at least 18 hours. We almost never miss 12am every day. Yes I know what you are thinking at the moment, I always anticipate for his call. He had a special ringtone and that was my best song of the year KATAPOT. I saved his name on my phone as heartrob, I was crazy about him, and my day was all about him. The only time he was not on my mind was when I was very busy with work and am stressed so badly that the only thing on my mind is rest. He was the best thing that happened to me that moment, most times when he calls I blush so badly with my pillow or my teddy bear close to my chest.

On a particular day, we decided to go see avengers and he was waiting for me outside the cinema. I saw him pacing and waiting patiently for me to arrive, you can imagine the bright smile on his cute face the moment he saw me. Was it consciously or unconsciously? All I can remember is that his arms were opened before I even got close to him. When I ran into the hug, I felt comfort and warmth; I have not felt that way in a while. When we got into the cinema, we watched the movie with my head on his chest, he was playing with my hair and we were holding hands. We kept on having some cute and crazy eye contact. Yes, your guess is as good as mine. I wanted to kiss him, I was waiting for it to happen and am sure he wanted to (he told me after confessing though). After the movie we went to LTV and my boss told me to ask him if he likes me because she is very sure he does. I ignored her that day but now am regretting it. When school resumed with the feelings still boiling and me still I always wanted to see his face. On a very day, he changed his DP to a picture of him and a girl and his pm said a lot. I went ahead to ask him and without hesitation, he threw it to my face and told me that is my girlfriend. It felt like I was dreaming, though I didn’t make it obvious to him how much I felt like killing him. I ended the chat as fast as I could and I cried so badly that day and I stayed away from him for few days but we stumbled on each other one fateful day and I could not dodge away. He knew it, he felt guilt in him, he asked for a day out with him and I said yes so we could trash out some important issue. You thought it happened yea, no it didn’t. I could not talk to him because I got pissed that day.

We went on holiday the next day and I made up my mind to ignore him by not calling or chatting with him. Glory to God it happened, I was able to actually ignore him until the day he called me while I was at work. I gave him straight answers and we didn’t talk for so long because I was very busy at work. The next day we had a chat and our relationship got back to its normal state but at this time, my feelings for him were now controllable and I could face more important things. When school resumed I played with him as usual with no strings attached to it and I also was not really bothered about making anything work out between us. One fateful day, I was having headache and unknowing to him he just called me to come me sit with him. I went ahead to sit beside him and at a point I just kept my head on his leg and closed my eyes and the next thing I heard was there ''are few people I love in my life and she is the first person while others just follow''. Immediately, I rose my head up to look at his face and I saw this bright cute smile on his face just like the one I saw the day we went to ICM together. He started playing with my dimple and told me my baby is so cute; see her sweet dimple and her gap tooth. That instant I became lost in him again and I didn’t know what to do. That was another moment I cherish so much with him.  He has always called me baby, bae, boo and all those romantic sweet names and told me he loves me but from the instance I got to know about is girlfriend, I never read any meaning to it but that afternoon I blushed so much at the slightest comment he made. I got comment everyday either I slayed or not he still thinks am very cute.

Oh no, he has just restored my love for him, I have a boyfriend but I love someone else more than my boyfriend and this same person loves me more than his girlfriend. What am I supposed to do? Am in a love triangle already and it was easy to hide because I felt he was already over me. I kept it safe with me until he finally confessed his love and I could not keep myself in check anymore. I love him so badly and how can we correct this? He doesn’t want to lose my friendship, yet our staying together is in the hand of God.

Well at this point I guess it is time to let go baby girl. Wake up from your longtime dream because it will never happen. Just stay good and enjoy all life has to offer because you are always bae for everyone who is around you. You got people like your bestie, your real bae, your school family and most especially your big sister who happens to be your twine. We can do this yeah, definitely we can do this. I love you now and forever MOLADE……